So today I received the culmination of almost 20years of work.  Sounds impressive eh?  It's actually 20 years of procrastination and about 3 or 4 years of actual work.  Either way I did it.  I finally finished my bachelors degree.  It's weird really, because I was done with school on the 23rd of December, but I refused to call it good until I received that piece of paper.  The certificate that, once earned no one can take away from you.  Certifications expire.  A degree is a lifetime achievement that will always remain. This song comes to mind when people question me about finishing school:

Blind Melon, Change
Writer: SMITH, ROBYN / MINES, MARCIA / JONES, BRIAN

I don't feel the suns comin' out today
its staying in, its gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I don't
think I'll ever see the sun from here.

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.
But that's okay
they're just afraid to change.

When you feel your life ain't worth living
you've got to stand up and
take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we all can't stay here forever,
so I want to write my words on the face of today.
and then they'll paint it

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.

I think for me what this song says is two fold.  In the beginning I think they are saying life sucks.  But then the idea is to turn yourself around and find a different perspective.  Keep dreaming.  Because sometimes the things we do aren't important for the moment, but they all build up and have a dramatic effect on the future.

I can remember in particular a philosophical debate I had with a classmate regarding our individual importance in the grand scheme.  We were discussing the relevance of the individual overall, and I think the overarching theme was each individual has a key role and what is the meaning of life...or something very profound like that ;-)  However my thought on the topic was, maybe my purpose is to raise some children who will in turn raise some children who may be scientists that cure some disease.  The point being, what I do now may not be this life changing thing today or even tomorrow, but there is a possibility that it will have a rather dramatic effect on the future.

I think what is important to take away from this rambling, check off your lists whatever it is you want to do in life.  If you want to fly in a hot air balloon, do it.  If you want to jump out of Airplanes, do it.  The feeling you get afterwords, of that ability to say, "fuck yeah that shit was cool and I did it" that feeling can be passed to your children. 

Impress upon them that sense of accomplishment.  And if all goes well, they will probably kick your ass in accomplishing their goals.  They will walk on "the moon...and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

It's been awhile...

Well here we are, back in FL.  For better or worse I suppose.  Laura is down in the dumps lately and I need to get her away from the house for the weekend.  Not sure where we will go just yet.  Probably Cocoa Beach for some nice waves. 
On a different note, I'm about to finish school.  Going to send in my petition to Graduate this week for a date of 1 Jan 2012.  Not the Year I wanted, but after waiting for almost 20yrs to complete this thing, it will do just fine.  Debating the Masters path as well.  Will probably try and get Laura up and running first.  If I can get her motivated she will breeze through it.  Once she is on track I believe I will hit the same program.  MBA from USF.  The Bulls.  Will be nice to be an alum of a locally loved school.
I think I will try and keep this thing updated more frequently.  It is nice to lay down your thoughts.  Kind of helps to get  them some air and discover whats cookin in your noodle!

Snow

Its freakin snowing out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winter is here

Although it is not snowing outside, the temps have dropped and I'm starting to question my sanity. I chose to move here. I lived in Florida. I still own my house there!

Yes I am asking myself the same questions right now. Why am I here? What would make me think I liked the cold? Why am I here?

I think part of the answer lies in childhood memories. A vast majority of my happiest childhood memories took place in the snow. Yes I had immense fun at the Quarry every summer, but really I think I was happiest romping in the snow with my best friends. Pat Daugherty, Dave Micichi, Eric Dewald and my dear brother David. We played what we lovingly called gorilla hockey. No sticks, usually a puck or tennis ball and some garbage cans for goals. If I remember correctly we didnt use sticks beacuse we were short one or two. The name gorilla hockey comes from the way we played. No rules and no holds barred. Plenty of bloddy noses and bruised bodies. But man was it fun!

Another aspect of my decision comes from my time in Japan. I spent 3 years there learning to snowboard. Well, it only took me a day to really learn. But over those 3 years I spent a large amount of time riding some beautiful terrain. A mountain range call Hakkoida. Extinct volcanoes. Yes volcanoes, but they were sleepy so they didn't rumble at all. I loved surfing when I was young and snowboarding gave me that same spiritual feeling again. Like the mountain was alive and always providing me with a new path to take. Even the same trail would change between days. And once we sorta got lost. Man that was a hike to get out of there. What a pain in the butt. 4 foot deep snow and im only 5'6"!

So memories are what brought me back up here. It seems they can have a profound effect on the things we do.

Although it is memories of my childhood and single days that convinced me to come back up north, it is the potential for creating new ones with my family that will inevitably keep me and us here. Times are scary as the economy takes it turn for the worse, but I am confident that we will prevail. I've lived on less.

Fall

So its fall in the north east. I love it. I haven't been around to enjoy this weather in about 8 years. I forgot how vibrant it looks in person. Just down the street is this maple with crimson leaves. It really pops out against the other green and yellow trees.

The picture above is from Loon mountain. Soon to be my local riding location. Its big enough but im not sure if it has the "back country" runs that I love. Whipping through the trees and carving between them...there is no feeling like it. You just float along with a quick left here and a tree to the right. It really gets the blood flowing. I can't compare it to riding a motorcycle because they are two distinct rushes. But snowboarding on fresh powder for me is like surfing. It's like the mountain is alive and the powder its spirit. The mountain speaks to you saying things like "go this way I have a sweet rock for you to jump off of" and "watch out for that tree!" Yeah as spiritual as I try to sound I can't help but be a smart ass.

So today we are headed up to Maine to do some apple picking and hang out with Laura's Aunt. should be fun. I'll get some pics.

Speaking of pics I am trying to hone my skills again. Hopefully Ill get a light meter soon and I can start using my Twin Lens Reflex. Its a classic. the results from these cameras can only be described as surreal. Ill get some test rolls run soon. Probably start with medium format B&W and go from there. Really that is my favorite format.


So cheers to fall!

PT

Its funny really, I thought PT meant Physical Training. Like as in Army PT!

PT= Physical Therapy. As in rehab. So I went to my first Appt yesterday. Initial impressions were good. Nice quiet place. Looking out the window of the main "workout area" is a small stream and trees. It's a nice scene really. Very relaxing.

So the diagnosis is exactly what I had originally suspected. Torn PCL, MCL and potential meniscus damage. Also the potential for further meniscus damage is increased with the joint in its current state.

This all explains the sensation of my tibia/fibula "hanging there" while swimming or running. Talk about creepy!

So I'm feeling confident with the therapist. He gave me a list of exercises to do 3-4 days a week. And he seemed confident based upon initial exam that I could snowboard again with PT and a brace. Mostly for protection. Soccer, not so much. At least not playing like I used to. I can probably return to coaching kids by next year. (I like to run with the kids)

As for taking snaps for the Buffalo Bills, they will just have to wait and see! ;-)

The Doc

So today Laura and I went to the Docs to see what he could see. "What should look like a dark black thick rope, is a sort of gray blob..."

So the journey begins. The Doc thankfully recommends Physical Therapy first. He is pretty confident that it will be enough for my non-professional sports playing self. I tend to agree. I'm going to hit it hard and see what I can accomplish.

The way I see it, worst case scenario I can't play soccer anymore. That doesn't mean I can't coach! Also Laura and I discussed snowboarding. That will probably require a brace mostly for protection. The Doc tells us that in the case of a PCL tear a brace helps only minimally. I've found conflicting reports on the internet. But since I'm not exactly going to be taking snaps for the Buffalo Bills I think I'll be allright with the PT.

I'm also convincing myself of these facts as much as I am sitting here describing them to the internet. I've read easily 100 articles covering everything from the various procedures to the pros and cons of non-surgical vs surgical treatments.

What it really boils down to is the feeling of being less than 100%. My entire life I've spent thrashing away at my body and pushing it to its physical, mental and emotional limits. So I have probably been taking it for granted over the last decade. And now I have to face the fact that I won't be 100%.

This is not going to be easy.